Is Your Promise a Commitment

I remember the tears in the eyes of an 8 year old girl when I was coaching her during her soccer game. No, it was nothing I said or did to her. The game was half over, she had performed extraordinarily well. Why was she crying? I asked her.”My dad isn’t here. I wanted to show him how good I am playing—he would be so proud of me!”"Was he supposed to be here, honey” I asked.”Yes, he promised,” the little girl said.Now do you begin to get the world of difference between a promise and a commitment? To make it absolutely clear, here is the difference. A commitment is a promise made and kept, period. A promise is an anticipated act or deed that the promiser will try to keep and hope he or she succeeds in keeping it.For an hour or two, the proud soccer player’s world was shattered, because her father made a promise and failed to keep it. If an 8-year old girl can understand it, so can the adults who suffer broken promises. So here are some tips that will help you to manage your promises and relationships better.1. It is almost impossible to keep every promise you make. But you have to be careful and frankly, honest about it. Many of us like to make promises all over the place because we want to be loved and befriended. But a broken promise is the first step to ruining your trust, particularly with those you love. If you get into a pattern of making promises and not keeping them, there is more at stake than your reputation. You may not get any feedback from your friends, but behind your back you will be treated with the same disrespect as a liar. So my advice is, start with taking your promises seriously. Because that is where it begins–the road to trust, reliability and respect. If you believe you are making what is called a “stretch” promise, make the recipient understand fully that you may not be able to keep it inspite of your efforts, and explain what may happen to derail your promise.2. Communicate with the recipient early if you cannot keep your promise. Recall the soccer player—well her mother was there. The father could have called the mother, ask to speak to the child and let her know how sorry he was in not being able to be there.3. Reinforce your relationship with the recipient, so he or she can get off the broken promise trail and on to something positive. Again, using the above example, what do you think the father could have done to reinforce his relationship with his daughter for whom he could not be there. When speaking to the daughter, or through her mother, he could have said something like this, “Honey, your mom just told me the wonderful kick you made into the goal and how you wrested the ball from the center-forward. I can almost see it—I am so proud of you!”. Believe me, it would have taken a whole lot of sting out of the child’s disappointment.4. The worst thing you can do is not keep the promise and not inform the recipient of your promise of your failure. Even a simple promise like, “I am in the middle of a meeting, I will call you back as soon as I am out” deserves to be kept.Commitment is a very serious thing. But commitment does not happen overnight. A “committed” person earns that reputation by keeping his or her word, his or her promise to the world. It is a pattern of life and character.